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Dating without purpose: A psychological Imbalance

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In the present of our times, a lot of us struggle with the status of being single while a lot too suffer from the side incidences of being in a dramatic relationship. This goes a long way in having lots overviews and discernment about dating and relationships. Have you ever wondered why your friends have found the ‘one’ but you’re still strolling and wandering through dating sites or doing a ‘jump and pass mode of dating’ and contemplating on going on a date again? If you found yourself in this situation of love life why not ask the question “what is the purpose of dating?”

There are copious reasons why we choose to date a fellow; some of us may want to date because they want to experience the fun and not stay in the house frequently, some of us may date because they want to meet and experience new people, while some of us may date because they want a life lasting companionship. But the good and bizarre news is that we are dating without purpose if we made up our minds to date for the first two reasons. The purpose of dating and one of the most important things to do in life is to find someone you are happy to stay with and have a life long partnership.

Dating without purpose is like a blind bird with wings flying around with no visible destination, and as well as getting a car and driving randomly without having a destination, hoping to drive to somewhere that you will find happiness, chances are that you’d probably get lost, frustrated or disappointed. If you don’t have a map or a landing point, then you won’t get there.

Dating without purpose can lead to a lot of imbalances in emotion and the body while dating with purpose is essential if you find someone with to create something beautiful out of a relationship. This can go a long way to having a soothing though challenging healthy relationships out there.

I have come in contact with some friends who replied to the question with “if the guy can provide all her needs financially, they are good to go”, “if the guy would shower them with care and respect, they are good to go” but have you as a lady asked yourself the ‘why’ in wanting to be with this person? This answer is what could be a stepping stone to having a purposeful healthy relationship and not what the person can provide. If you have ever thought of dating, you need to prepare like someone who attends an interview or an exam, you need to ask yourself the questions, what do you want to achieve, and plan and prepare yourself for the task ahead. This may definitely not be easy as it would take effort, discipline and the lessons of others. It is definitely going to be worth the effort.

Dating with purpose could all lie in self decision on what you want and whilst making a decision, there are some certain things that need to be considered in achieving a purpose in relationships even if you’re in the relationship already.

1. Ready to be in a relationship: Both parties need to want to be in a relationship and are willing to let go of any past relationship trauma, affairs, affections or afflictions. Because these feelings can easily be triggered when you don’t shove them down the pile and can obstruct the intended purpose of your dating.

2. Honesty and Trust: This is the basic root of a relationship. As a potential partner, trusting yourself first is key to understanding your relationship. Feel free to discuss any past relationship stigma or childhood experiences with your partner, in that way, you need to gain the trustworthiness of your partner even though transparency and building trust takes time.

3. Be willing to tolerate: Some drama that occurs in relationships, with little tolerance and compromise, the parties would definitely be happy ever after. For a relationship to grow, you must be willing to negotiate and compromise to the flaws of your partner otherwise little things may deprive your purpose. You need to be prepared to understand, adapt and negotiate solutions to the challenges that arise together within.

4. Self Awareness: For relationships to grow, you need to keep reminding yourself of who you are and what you need in that relationship. For example, agreeing to no sex before marriage and other decisions, self awareness comes in place. Without this, the purpose of relationships may be tarnished.

5. Recognition of Family Origin History: For relationships to work and have a purpose, both parties need to be aware that childhood memories could be triggered. If there are family rituals or obligation that need to be done when these wounds and memories are triggered, both parties need to negotiate and re-strategize new rituals which would deem fit for them as couple to have as to have a long lasting partnership..

6. Sexual Compatibility: We might have had past sex romps or experiences, but both parties need to understand to not expect their partner to be as sexually active or flirty or otherwise as they are. You need to develop your own relationship sexual inclinations and preferences to attain compatibility of both the physical and satisfaction.

7. Values: Ranging from religion, finance, life, health, education, parenting, travel and the rest. To minimize conflicts in relationships, both parties need attain compatibility in these areas of life. Knowing, understanding and tolerating your partner’s way of life and thought is key to having a purpose in relationships.

8. State of Boredom: Relationships are usually tasty and enjoyable at first but remember there are ordinary days of boredom when things and the partners seem to be boring. Don’t expect relationships to always sweet and entertaining. You must learn how to accept and still try to find some spices to add up otherwise you may feel the relationship is not working out which can lead to looking elsewhere.

9. Influence, not Control: A lot relationship these days go through a dilemma because of the force and measures of control empowered by either of the partners to each other. These forms of control may seem uncomfortable and can cause deteriorating situations. Instead of enforcing control towards your partner, rather be a role model and influence. Accept your partner the way they are and don’t be a nagging controller to enforce a change on your partner’s lifestyle.

10. Boundaries: In relationships, you need to learn to know your personal boundaries, keep your independence, this will help to not losing and neglecting yourself even when allowing your partner in. A healthy relationship is one which you let your partner in and still have space for yourself.

11. The glow fades away: As the relationship progresses, the feelings and the joy gotten from the beginning fade away. Devotion, initial commitment and re-assurance is what can make a relationship healthy and moving at this point. Love to me is an action word. There are days when you feel extreme love towards your partner and there are days when life is getting its best shots at you which when you would feel that love is generally lost. At these trying times, it is those initial commitment and devotion to each that will keep up the spice in the relationship.

12. Quality Time: Even though we create our personal space, going out to make ends meet and the rest of the personal schedules, we need to set aside schedules to spend that quality time with our partner. This is also a spice to long lasting relationships.

13. Take the Exit Card: Although we’d want to or try for our relationship to last a life time, it is also important to know when to dust your ass and leave the present relationship. This means having tried hard to make this relationship work to what you want. Be willing to let go of this relationship especially when you’re experiencing abuse, neglect or unhealthy behavior. Feel free to be courageous and leave. There are usually better days ahead.

14. Compatibility: Although relationships are not perfect, this compatibility can be attained by tolerating your partner’s differences. A compatible relationship could stand the test of time.

15. Respect and Admiration: In relationships, we tend to find someone who we can admire and respect. This admiration is more than just a skin or beauty admiration, of course there are times when you don’t find your partner looking good or attractive to you but admiring and accepting the whole person of your partner is key to long lasting relationships.

16. Expectations: Before beginning a relationship, there are realistic expectations to have which you can discuss with your partner about what you expect him or her to do for you. Don’t expect your partner or the relationship to fix a scar or need in your life. You need to first love yourself before expecting to be loved.

17. Reciprocity: They say respect is reciprocal, in relationships, not just respect, love needs to be reciprocated too. You don’t expect your relationship to last long if the love and respect is one sided. Always get through pass your schedule to make your partner smile and feel loved.

18. Communication: A lot of people develop deep connection with their partners through communication. Communicate, discus your needs and wants, fight and settle, describe your feelings, learn to not beat around the bush with your partner, listen and give your partner a voice too.

19. Self Esteem: In looking for relationships, self worth is an essential ingredient to look for in a partner, and as well as make sure you do too. Being in a relationship because it makes you feel happy may one day deter your self worth at the cost of the relationship. Self esteem also means both partners feeling good about who they are in or without the relationship.

20. Patience: Even though some people are naturally patient and some are not. You need to learn to be patient with your lifestyle even before committing to a relationship. For a relationship to work out, one need to learn patience in tolerating even the smallest of things. However it is unnecessary to tolerate for long an abuse or unhealthy behavior. At this stage, it is time to dust your ass and move. Domestic violence can never be tolerated because it kills slowly within. When you experience such, seek for help.

With all these, I believe you don’t just sit and look at the materials things of a relationship before committing. Always look beyond the material things your partner can offer and seek for things to determine a long lasting partnership. It all initially starts with you, your decision and self worth. Before you get committed, it is usually advisable to have and develop a sense of self worth.

Good luck as you find love and joy at last as well those seeking for a life lasting relationship.

Stay tuned for more spices on sex, love and life.

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